Standing My Ground... Again...

So I thought I had finally achieved a solitary living arrangement for good. I still have some ties to my ex Michael, but not the house.

Well apparently, he's getting kicked out if his place in Winfield. And guess who he asks to live with.

Yeah. Me.

On the one hand, if he comes back, Morris will chew me the fuck out and raise my rent 300 bucks. Since he has no real steady and reliable income, I'd have to support him until he has enough money saved up.

On the other hand, if I say no, he will end up homeless, penniless, or possibly dead.

I still said no. I have my reasons, which most of my friends know about all too well.

Well, when he laid this on me, all those things ran through my head relentlessly. I started stressing out hardfuckingcore and ended up vomiting. I haven't vomited in 4 weeks. I came back to my terminal and almost immediately ended up having an anxiety attack at my desk. It got so bad, I had to leave work and sit in Boyfriend Michael's car. During a storm. Again.

Speak of him, he really came through for me that night. He was my support system, caring boyfriend, and thunder buddy.

That was the moment I realized he really *isn't* going anywhere.

Tonight I realized my friends have been right for years: I really do deserve to be happy.

ANNNNNND...

I get to celebrate a whole month sober today.

Mr. Stupid Brain or How I Need to Stop Worrying and Like Myself

This guy is phenomenal, yeah? Yeah. So of course, since all I've known in relationships in Kansas is a bit of happiness followed by severe hurt, I'm worrying myself to fits of tears that I'm going to get hurt yet again. Seems to be a steady pattern. I need to be happy, even though a happy Goth is kind of an oxymoron, but it's me at times.

I was off my Lamictal for round abouts a month and I just started taking it again less than a week ago, so obviously I'm not on my "A Game" right now. But Michael told me in the car a bit ago that he's not going anywhere. Which is *exactly* what I need to be reassured about for the foreseeable future, since I'm a paranoid fucktard when it comes to relationships.

Thanks David. Really appreciate that.

He's taking a chance on me. I told him the best way to date me is to just "roll with it", and he's been doing just that. I've been happy for two straight weeks with no sign of my happiness depleting. Looks like *I* need to roll with it, eh?

Legos and Relationships

Take it from me. They go hand in hand. Michael and I have spent last night and today assembling Batman (him) and Spider-Man (me) Lego sets. It quite possibly might have brought us closer.

Being able to intensely nerd out and be my crazy self with no judgment or cross-eyed looks directed toward my behavior is refreshing. Sure I may be pretty cosmic and out there about 90% of the time, but I have found that a lot of people find that endearing. I have enjoyed being the entertainment ever since elementary school. Even in class, against my better juvenile judgement. I was terrified of progress reports, because then my parents would know I was acting a fool in class. And that was when the meds came, beginning with Ritalin.

But I digress.

God, that's my favorite conversational segue.

Anyways!

Yes, ladies and gents. Lego Time with your significant other is a calming and peaceful experience. Of course, until you battle out your creations.

Dat Morning Cigarette

Stayed up late and here I am, awake when I usually get up when I have work. Yesterday seemed to go on forever and I am quite alright with that. I think I found my new vice to replace whiskey:

My boyfriend.

Why Wearing Lingerie is Awesome:

Three words: Even *hotter* sex.

Why Being a Nerd is Awesome:

Three words: Crazy hot sex.

Life as I Know it: Tales of Happiness, Sadness, BAMFing.

Well, my first relationship of the year turned in to a bust. He wasn't over his ex and just recently got back together with her. It's whatever. I'm just gonna stay on the sidelines and see if she breaks his heart again. After the breakup, I went in to my usual after-breakup-depression state I usually do. I relapsed and cut myself and possibly drank more than normal. At least he explained why it had to happen, which is why it wasn't as bad of a depressive state as it was when Failbot did the same to me last year.

But enough about Josh. What about me. Eh?

Well, I'm in a new relationship that is going better than I could have ever imagined. He puts up with my shit, keeps an eye out on me, isn't tired of me after two weeks, and just... well, gets me. Of course I met him at work; it seems I only date people I work with.

About 4 weeks ago, I got alcohol poisoning for the first time in my 7 year long history with the stuff. I decided to do the unfathomable: Quit drinking. Since dating Michael (I know, I KNOW. It's either a David or a Michael), he's been able to show me how to have a wicked awesome time sober. It's not so bad. On the 24th (Six days before my daughter turns 8 [!!!!!!!]) I will be able to celebrate a month sober. Last time I was sober that long, Failbot passive-aggressively convinced me to stop drinking. This time I'm doing it of my own volition. I have a ton of support from friends and family, of which I can never be thankful enough. I've had a few new experiences as well.

3D dinosaurs. That is all.

All in all, I can say I'm doing relatively well, save for the fact that Abilify gives me fucking hiccups. Loud ones, especially at work.